Melissa Ashley Hernandez
April 22nd, 2026
Militza Hernandez, or as her loved ones call her, Millie, has been referred to by titles such as: “The Mom I Never Had,” “The Neighborhood Mom,” “The Best Titi Ever,” “The Greatest Mom in the World,” “Mama Millie,” and simply “The Best,” among a trillion other well-suited designations. If the readers are wondering where my love for poetry comes from, look no further than my class act mother. She is unendingly kind, exceedingly loving, and incredibly creative. I’ll even add she had the patience of a saint to deal with me through my nightmare angsty teen years.
She is passionate about her hobbies, most of which revolve around scrapbooking. She has been an advisor for Creative Memories for over twenty years and continues to teach people how to preserve their memories in fun and beautiful ways. Reach out on Instagram if you want to give it a try!
I often feel like I take my mother for granted. Every year I get older, I think about all the stories she’s lived and all of the wisdom she has gathered that she may never get to share with me before she has to leave for The Great Beyond. (Dramatic, I know, blame the acting degree!) I wanted to do this interview with Mami for a long time, and when my WWM team agreed on the Mums issue for motherhood, I knew this was the perfect chance.
I gave her the questions in advance, then I came over a few days later, we poured some wine, and just… talked. Using the questions as our guide, of course. We cried a good amount and had a wonderful discussion about life and motherhood. So please, enjoy this conversation with my mother.
(You can read our Mums issue here!)
Militza Hernandez on “Life and Motherhood”
MELISSA HERNANDEZ (ME): Mama, what are some of your favorite memories of Steven and me when we were little?
MILITZA HERNANDEZ (MOM): I have lots of memories. Great memories of just watching you grow and experience new things. The memory that stands out the most is of you, Steven, and Dad playing hide-and-seek.
ME: Oh, yeah! When Dad would come home from work, you would say, “Dad’s home, go hide!”
MOM: Yep, and Dad would come home, and you both would hide and say, “Dad, come and find us!” And Dad would check all the rooms before finding you and hearing your little giggles as he looked for you.
ME: (laughing) Do you remember the one time Steven hid in the dryer?
MOM: (gasps) Oh, my God, that was scary! We couldn’t find him!
ME: And Dad looked for him for a long time!
MOM: But he was on top of the dryer, not in it. He had closed the little folding door to the linen closet so we couldn’t see him.
ME: Is that your favorite memory for both of us? The hiding?
MOM: Mhmm.
ME: I think that’s one of my favorite memories growing up, too. That was probably every day.
MOM: Every day. (laughing) And sometimes it would be the same exact spot!
ME: I could never tell if Dad actually was looking for us or if he was, like, pretending not to be able to find us.
MOM: Sometimes, he would go upstairs and change his clothes, calling out, “I’m looking for you!” And you two would get so nervous while he was looking for you, giggling as he got closer.
ME: I remember that! Okay, next question. What surprised you most about becoming a mom and what did you learn from us?
MOM: What surprised me most about becoming a mom was how challenging it was, but also how rewarding it was at the same time. I had a responsibility to keep you safe, healthy, and happy, but sometimes with little sleep, and not knowing what was wrong or how to help you was hard.
ME: Was I colicky?
MOM: Yes, Steven had stomach issues, and you were colicky.
ME: What does colicky mean? Does that just mean I cried a lot?
MOM: That’s a good question. I think colicky is maybe when your tummy’s upset? I think, with you, it was the milk that you were drinking. It gave you an upset tummy as a side effect.
ME: Oh, you didn’t breastfeed?
MOM: I did. For the first four months, and then formula. I think you were getting too much air or something. I don’t know what was wrong.
ME: I was a hungry little child!
MOM: You always wanted more and more and more!
ME: Oh, that’s embarrassing. Made myself colicky.
MOM: I just googled it. It says “a colicky baby is a healthy infant who cries frequently.” You were healthy. “Frequently, loudly, and intensely for no apparent reason. Typically, for more than three hours a day, three days a week, for over three weeks.” Yeah, you were crying all the time!
ME: Yeah. And then I never stopped!
MOM: I think I talk about that later on.
ME: (laughing) Oh, no…
MOM: You said, “What I learned from you”, huh?
ME: Mhmm.
MOM: What I learned was how to have patience. When things didn’t go as planned, take a deep breath and try to understand why. Maybe you were tired or sleepy. I learned how to be a better mom and how to do things differently from what I knew. That’s what I learned from you.
ME: From me, particularly?
MOM: Yeah, well, you were my first kid. I didn’t know how to deal with a kid; I had never had a baby before! I just saw other people and thought, “Oh, that’s easy, I can do that!” And then when it happened, it was much more difficult than I anticipated.
ME: How was taking care of me as your child different than taking care of your younger siblings when they were babies? Because I know you were responsible for their care, too.
MOM: Well…
ME: Well, I know you shared the care with everybody, but Grandma had six kids, so everybody was kind of watching after each other.
MOM: But with you, it was more personal. More intimate. First of all, I was far away from everybody. I didn’t have any help.
ME: When I was born.
MOM: Right. It was just you and me, baby! We gotta figure this out!
ME: Okay then, since you’re talking about it being more personal, what was the first year of motherhood like for you? Because I know you were in Massachusetts at that time.
MOM: Yeah. We moved to Massachusetts. It was just me and dad. Dad worked most of the day.
ME: Right.
MOM: (laughing) You cried most of the day.
ME: (laughing) Sorry!
MOM: I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with you. You were colicky, and you cried a lot, and I was a little overwhelmed.
ME: And you were twenty-five…
MOM: And I was twenty-five! I didn’t have a baby manual or anything to know what I was doing wrong or how to make you feel better. And I felt like I was failing at motherhood. Like, “I can’t keep her happy, what’s going on?” We tried many things until we found what would work for you.
ME: Which were the car rides.
MOM: Yeah, and you used to like being on top of the washing machine. Anything that kept you moving. We learned from the doctors that if I kept you facing down with my hand pressed against your belly and just rocked you, that that was enough to keep you calm. You know, the pressure of it.
ME: So that was the first year for you, overwhelming.
MOM: Well, no, not the first year. I would say the first couple of months until I got the hang of it. It was just all brand-new, and I was by myself. No family, nobody to help me. Not even Dad, not really. He would come home and he would try to take care of you while I slept, but you would just cry.
ME: Yeah… and it’s difficult, too, because it’s not like he could say no to taking that job up there in Massachusetts. That was a big step in his career that helped him support his family. And it’s not like you could have said, “I’m gonna go live with our baby with mom back in New York, bye!”
MOM: Yeah, it was tough being a mom and being alone.
ME: Well, what’s your happiest memory of you and me together? That doesn’t have to be from my infancy, by the way, it can be from any point.
MOM: I think the happiest moments of you and me together were when we celebrated the accomplishments in your life. Those are all happy memories, like birthdays and graduations aaaaaand publishing your first book!
ME: Aw, yeah!
MOM: You gave it to me on my birthday!
ME: (laughing) You had me sign it!
MOM: Well, my kid wrote a book! Everybody’s got to read it! I told everybody!
ME: Yeah, you did! Let’s go to the next question. What is something that I’ve done that really meant a lot to you?
MOM: Everything you do means a lot to me. You know what I’m saying? Everything you do is, like, important.
ME: Sure, but is there something I’ve done for you that sticks out a little more, you know?
MOM: Hmm. You’re always doing nice things for me. You always think about me. (gasps) Ohhhh… I know! The day you had COVID and you came to see me through the door for Mother’s Day!
ME: I felt so bad… I was like, “I can’t believe I can’t spend time with my mom for Mother’s Day!”
MOM: Even though you were so sick, you still came and put your hands on the door and left a card there for me.
ME: Yeah, I left it on the bench and ran away.
MOM: Awwww, yes!
ME: For the readers, I did not interact with her at all! I had a mask on! And I was outside!
MOM: You just put your hands on the glass door and said, “Happy Mother’s Day!”
ME: Ah, yeah. I do remember doing that.
MOM: Yeah. But you’re always doing kind things for me. I appreciate you.
ME: Aw, Mami, I love you! Next question. What do you want or wish most for your kids? So, me and Steven.
MOM: Oh my gosh. What I always tell you guys! What I wish more than anything is that you both are happy. When you are happy, I am happy.
ME: That’s a very mom answer.
MOM: I always tell you that. If you guys are happy, I’m happy.
ME: I believe that.
MOM: That’s what I wish more than anything for you guys, that you are blessed with happiness.
ME: (laughs to not cry) Okay, now comes
the question that probably made you a little emotional.
MOM: They sure did.
ME: What have been the hardest parts and what have been the best parts about getting older?
MOM: The hardest part of me getting older is that you’re getting older.
ME: Really?
MOM: Yes. So it’s not the same as when you were a little girl and, you know, we’re growing together, right?
ME: Yeah.
MOM: So… so that’s the hardest part. You’re moving on. You have your own life, you’re doing your own things. We don’t see each other as much, right?
ME: Yeah… That’s funny because that’s… I think that’s the hardest part of me getting older is the same thing. Everything’s changing. You know, a professor in my MFA once said, “Change is grief.” And, you know, it’s true, because every time something changes, you kind of lament or grieve the way that it used to be. That’s what nostalgia is. You wish things didn’t get so difficult. You miss the things that were simpler back in the day. That’s because you were used to life being that way.
MOM: Right.
ME: What have been the best parts about getting older?
MOM: The best part of getting older is that life has taught me things that now I can share with you.
ME: Those are really good answers.
MOM: You like that?
ME: (a little teary) Yeah, that’s a good one. It’s nice and sentimental.
MOM: Like, I can give you advice on things that I’ve been through, and suggestions, just for you to ponder, because you’re not always going to do what I share with you.
ME: Well, you know, I think as I get older, I become more receptive to your advice, too. Like, when I was younger, nobody could tell me what to do, and that really frustrates me now because it really screwed me over.
MOM: Well, sometimes you think you know more. Like, “She’s not in my time, so she doesn’t understand what it’s like to be here right now.” That’s understandable. I guess we’re all like that with our parents.
ME: Yeah. Okay, if you could relive one day in your life, which would it be and why?
MOM: This is the one that makes me cry. (tears up)
ME: (giggling) I don’t even know what you wrote, so I’m just watching you cry for no reason!
MOM: (giggling) It would be the day that I became your mom. As soon as you grabbed my finger with your little hand and the love I felt for you, I knew we were going to be inseparable from then on.
ME: You would… you would relive that day?
MOM: Of course! That was magical. When the doctor put you on my chest and you grabbed my finger right away, I thought, “Aw! We’re gonna be buddies forever!”
ME: Aw! Even though, you know, the pain of childbirth and everything?
MOM: No, the pain was like nothing compared to what came afterward.
ME: It cancelled out?
MOM: Yeah, for sure.
ME: Aw! Wow, that’s so interesting… That’s crazy… Oh, my gosh. (Dear Reader, I’m not sure I can fathom a love like this quite yet.)
Okay… let’s talk about you. What advice would you give your younger self? At 8? At 20?
MOM: At 8?
ME: Like, you as a child.
MOM: At 8, I would say be yourself. At 20… Hm. At 20, I was always worried about things, so I would say be happy and stop worrying about everything.
ME: (giggling) Yeah, that would have gone over well, probably.
MOM: Yeah… yeah, no. (laughing)
ME: The next part of the question is, what about your older self? Like 15 or 20 years from now?
MOM: 20 years from now. I would say, always be there for your family. And be happy. Happy comes up a lot around here, huh? Be happy!
ME: Yeah.
MOM: Well, that’s the most important thing. Being there for your family. Hm.
ME: What life lessons have stuck with you the most?
MOM: (looks at her notes) Oh! That’s so funny. I have: family first; don’t worry, be happy; and there’s a solution for every problem! (laughs)
ME: You always do say that. Actually, I started saying that every time I get frustrated about something now.
MOM: Yeah, I always used to tell you kids that when you were little. Sometimes we just gotta take that breather.
ME: Yeah… So… what do you want your legacy to be?
MOM: I want my legacy to be that I was that person who always treated people with respect, love, and kindness. That I did my best. I didn’t always have all the answers, but I did what I thought was right at that moment, with the knowledge that I possessed at that time. (pause) What do you think?
ME: I think you’re already living that. So, I feel like… I feel like that’s a good legacy to leave behind. Especially a “you’re not perfect, but you did your best” kind of deal. Right? Like, even if I didn’t know what to do, I properly thought about it, and I did what I thought was right.
MOM: Mhmm, yeah.
ME: I think that’s important to remember too, because I feel like as you get older, sometimes it’s really easy to sit in regret of the past. And it’s easy to forget that at the time you were working with the information you had, regardless of what it was. Like raising kids and maybe making mistakes as they grow up, or making the wrong investments, or something like that. It’s like, you did what you needed to do, and if you made a decision that was right for you at the time, then so be it.
MOM: That’s why sometimes Steven says, “Mom, why didn’t you do this? Or why didn’t you do that? And I tell him, “I didn’t know better.” You know, I didn’t think that if I did something different, it would have a different outcome. Sometimes you just don’t know. You go with what information you have, as you said.
ME: Okay. Last one, Mama. What’s something you want me to always remember even after you’re gone?
MOM: I want you to always remember that I feel blessed to be your mother. How proud I am of all your dreams, aspirations, and accomplishments. And how much I love you. (teary) Thanks for being part of my life as we grow together.
(both crying and laughing and hugging each other.)
ME: I love you so much, Mami, thank you so much for doing this interview.
A huge thank you to my mama for granting us the time to conduct this interview! If you’d like to support her in her scrapbooking endeavor, you can visit her links here: Instagram | Creative Memories
Wild Willow Magazine 